“Nourishment my soul was needing to survive all the fear, doubt, and insecurities”

The difference the Eucharist makes in my life is the intimacy I experience with my Creator who has rescued me from so many temptations, difficulties, and addictions. It has taken YEARS for me to truly trust and listen for that still, small voice that wants to restore me to sanity and peace of mind. 

There are many experiences of healing and transformative power that I have received from the Eucharist, that are my spiritual nourishment. The most influential is our 3 a.m. adoration time together each Thursday morning. When I first started committing to early morning adoration, it took a long time to just learn to show up and use my prayers and readings to keep me awake and present for 60 minutes. I had to take a break for a few years because becoming a parent required more sleep and I wasn’t able to keep that kind of commitment, but when the tumultuous teenage years began, it was the only place I could go to find peace and comfort and just enough hope to get through the next week ahead of me. Then I started searching for every adoration chapel I could find on any of my commutes, so I could duck in and quiet the tempter from trying to convince me I was an awful parent. 

During COVID when so many things weren’t open to the public, I started to attend Mass daily for the "manna" and spiritual nourishment my soul was needing to survive all the fear, doubt, and insecurities the country was experiencing at the time. If Moses and God's chosen were instructed to gather just what they needed for each day, I knew I could do the same for my spiritual manna during COVID. 

I ask God to wake me in time for our 3 a.m. time together and to allow me to fall back to sleep when I return home – and He does! The quiet stillness of that early morning drive is a quiet stillness I can remember when my day gets too busy and noisy; it’s the only way that I've found to be effective for me when the world gets louder and my ego forgets that God has a plan for my day. For a while, each week I went to adoration, I would see another adorer face down on the floor in front of the Blessed Sacrament and I was so touched by the humility of that posture, but afraid to do it myself. But when I finally got the courage to humble myself to that physical submission to my Creator, I found it was easier to catch my pride and ego when they'd creep up. Or, when I would slip into self-reliance, I was better able to recognize it and remind myself that it was God's will I wanted and not mine.