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I speak to and receive Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament every day. He has totally transformed my life from one of trauma, pain, and distrust to one of love and service! I finally feel loved, like I have worth as a human being, like a whole person! Now I’m able to help others who have suffered from painful trauma in their lives.
I was abused as a child and never told anyone. It made me distrustful, and I always felt like I needed to be in control. When you need to be in control and you can't be, it causes a breakdown. Trying to take control of my life, I eventually got involved in drugs and occult practices.
I came back to the faith because I heard this call—it was more like I hit rock bottom. When you hit rock bottom, you go back to the beginning and for me that was the Catholic Church. When I was a child, we were sent to catechism, but my family really didn't go to Mass or anything. And because my belief system wasn't really in place, I left the Church right after I was confirmed and started doing things that were contrary to the Catholic Church. I was already doing drugs in seventh grade, if you can imagine that! And so, when things got really bad, I just faded away, left, and tried to take control of my life.
The first time I came back to the faith was because I had a really bad occult experience, but I ended up leaving the Church again after a period of time. But I kept getting more depressed, and I was struggling. I began to come back the second time during the beginning of COVID, when I was at my worst. I didn't trust anybody, especially men. I didn't trust men at all.
I had been taught that Jesus was present in that tabernacle, so I went back to the Catholic Church again. I just started talking to Him. I said to Him, ‘If you’re really there, I'm doing really bad here. You need to help me. If you are really there, you need to help me because I can't do this anymore.’
I realized that I could keep talking to Him that way. Unbelievably, I felt consoled by this exchange. I kept coming back and talking to Him every day, and He led me to be able to receive Him in the Church.
I started to get the help I needed to heal the trauma, and with His help, I was able to give up drugs and the occult life. Coming to the Church was a hard thing! But, you know, when Jesus is trying to save you, He works really hard to try to save you.
Now I can’t imagine not receiving Him every day! I have never felt the love, peace, and joy like that which I share with Him! My heart is bursting with love and joy now, and I just want to share it with everybody.
There's so much—a whole story of Jesus just waiting for me to realize that He was there! I mean, He was always there; I just never went to Him because I had to have control of everything. And every day, I still have to go to Him and give Him everything, and try not to control things, because He takes better care of me than I could ever take care of myself or my family.
I love going to Mass and receiving Holy Communion because it is the most intimate part of my day. The God who made me loves me so much that He put Himself in the most lowly state so that He could come to me. When that priest holds up Jesus in the Holy Eucharist and then the Precious Blood, I feel overwhelmed with this love. I cannot even explain the joy and the beauty as I adore my Lord that way! And when He finally does come to me, I am so lost in the moment. I am His and we are so united that there is nothing else that matters.
During that time, I love Him with all my heart, and He loves me right back. He gives me strength and consolation and He listens to all of my hopes, joys, and sufferings. I give Him all of my difficulties and all those whom I love, and He loves them all completely. There is no other act that compares to receiving the Living God in Holy Communion.
I love adoring my Lord in the Blessed Sacrament because when I was at my very worst and could not trust enough to ask for help from those around me, He called me to Him in the Blessed Sacrament. I knew He was there, veiled, looking like that little host, but I was able to tell Him everything because in that form I was not afraid of Him. Now, every day I go to adoration, and we have our best talks at that time. I thank Him. I share everything with Him. I love Him and He listens to me and loves me and provides for me. My heart is uplifted and filled with joy, and I bring that joy to everybody! He completes me and I need to share that with everybody.
People need to understand that Jesus is there and He's waiting for you. It doesn't matter what you've done, it doesn't matter who you were. He loves you and He's waiting for you. And maybe my story can help someone. I have done some very terrible things living a life for myself for almost sixty years—and He took me back, and loved me, and gave me everything.
I've given up a lot, but I've gained much more. I'm dedicated now to service. I'm dedicating my life to helping others in the way that Jesus calls me to do. Not my way, but His way. He wants people right now to realize that He's there.
Experience it for Yourself
Jesus is truly present. Jesus is always with you. Sit in his presence and open yourself up to his voice.